The World’s Humblest Person
You might not know this about me because I don’t like to go around advertising it, but I’m actually the World’s Humblest Person. I know, it’s a pretty impressive accolade, but I don’t like to brag about it… or anything at all for that matter.
It is a tremendous honor to be the Humblest person in the WHOLE WORLD. To think that I beat out some of the biggest names in humility is really an accomplishment. I don't actually know who the biggest names in humility are because they try to stay out of the limelight, but I’m sure they are some serious heavy hitters.
Now those of you who are hip insiders are likely saying to yourselves that you didn’t know I was on the humility scene at all and that my rise to World’s Humblest Person must have been nothing short of meteoric. Now, I would never personally describe my rise from virtual unknown to World’s Humblest Person as “meteoric” but it is pretty apt.
For those of you not in the know, every year the World Humility Conference holds its annual convention, HumbleCon, usually in some unassuming town like Decatur, Illinois or Albany, New York so as not to attract too much attention. This is an invite-only affair so some arrogant such-and-such can’t just walk in off the street and start boasting about all manner of things while the rest of the attendees look on in horror. How did I, a humble nobody in the world of humility, get invited to this prestigious event? Well, I’m glad I assumed you asked!
The short answer: Creating Buzz. The long answer: Have you ever seen those videos on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc where that guy does super awesome things in front of a crowd and the crowd goes “That was amazing!” and the guy is like “Oh, that was only OK. I’m sure there are a ton of people out there doing it better” and then the crowd says “Oh man, that guy is so humble!”? That’s me! I’m that guy! I’d link you to the videos, but I’m far too humble for that kind of shameless self-promotion. That being said, I’m sure you already saw them anyway because they were so huge.
Anyway, from there that pretty quickly created a lot of buzz, which caught the eye of the WHC and they invited me to be the guest of honor at HumbleCon and give the keynote address, which naturally I declined out of humility, but after some gentle arm twisting on their part, I did eventually agree to give a speech to the audience that would be the cornerstone of the entire event. I think it went fine, but I was told it went exceedingly well and I did receive a 10 minute standing ovation, which would have gone on for three times as long if I had not asked the audience to stop clapping because I didn’t deserve it.
That’s how I got there, but how did I become the World’s Humblest Person? Well, first off I just want to say that you ask great questions that I never would have thought of. Have you considered a career in journalism because you are asking absolutely stellar questions today. You should be really proud of yourself.
Anyway, every year at HumbleCon, right after the keynote address (which yes, I technically gave and yes they had to have a half hour recess so everyone could collect themselves after such an incredible speech {their words, not mine}), they gather everyone together to decide who the Humblest Person in the World is. So, whoever the WHC dragooned kicking and screaming into being the President that year gets up on the dais and asks the assembled crowd “Who is the Humblest Person in the Whole Entire World?” I guess usually there’s a lot of hemming and hawing and then no one takes it and they all go home, but I decided that it was my year, so I said “I think I’m the World’s Humblest Person.”
The sheer outrage and bluster that followed was unprecedented in the annals of humility. There were so many audible gasps and “who does he think he is?” and unintelligible grumbling that it would seem I had shaken the very core of the Humility Community. However, I calmly walked up to the dais and asked a very simple question: “Who here can honestly say they are humbler than I am?” To which, everyone immediately began saying things like: “Oh, well, I’m certainly not nearly as humble as he is” and “He’s right, I’m barely humble at all, I don’t even know what I’m doing here, in fact, I’ll see myself out.”
It was then that the WHC had no choice, but to name me the very first ever World’s Humblest Person. Oh, did I not mention that I am the very first person to ever hold this title? Oh, sorry, I’m always leaving out relevant details for the sake of humility. Did I also not mention that I’m the only person to hold this title and that all this went down ten years ago and that I go back every year and ask the same question and no one has yet challenged my humility superiority? Sorry, there I go being humble again.
As much as it pains me to toot my own horn, right now my horn must be tooted: I am the First and Only World’s Humblest Person for the past ten years. And honestly, if there wasn’t a World’s Humblest Person prior to that, then I think it’s safe to say that I am the Humblest Person who has ever lived.
Feel free to reach out to book me as a speaker at your next event. I ain’t cheap though… because there are so many cheaper speakers out there than me. I could never reach that level of cheapness. Oh, sorry more of that patented humility, but what do you expect from the Humblest Person in the History of the Known Universe?