The Case for the Four Day Work Week
Believe it or not, I have actually been an early advocate of the Four Day Work Week with my support going back well over a decade. Why as far back as 2011, I was telling anyone who would listen that humans simply weren’t meant to work five days a week. Just think about how much energy you have on Thursday night compared to Friday and you’ll see what I mean.
Needless to say, I have been following the recent studies, articles, and op-eds about the Four Day Work Week with some interest. The research that has gone into this is very solid and brings up points even I didn’t think about, like how there would be some sort of benefit to the company itself. Selling companies on this idea instead of overthrowing an unjust capitalist system that exploits workers seems like a no-brainer in hindsight, but you know how it is, you get too close to the subject and you can’t see the forest for the trees. My hat is definitely off to these new researchers.
All that being said, having poured over all of this new data, I was shocked to discover that a crucial piece of information from my own years of research is missing from all of these studies. Now, I’m not sure if my initial findings just got lost to the sands of time or if occupational scientists at large have ignored my work because it was mostly just me talking too loudly at a bar, but now is the time for me to make sure my work is officially on the record. Now, I should warn you this is a pretty heavy concept when you first hear it, but if you let it bounce around in your brain for a bit, I think you’ll see that I’ve pretty much sealed the deal on the global Four Day Work Week:
Four is less than five.
Mind blowing, right? Four is less than five. Just think about the ramifications of that for a moment. Let’s say it’s Monday and you just spent an hour and a half trying to find the gentlest way possible to explain to Jeremy the reasons why his dumb pet project isn’t getting the results he was hoping for, even though you thoroughly detailed why it would fail when he initially pitched it. Now normally, you’d have four more days of dealing with Jeremy and his nonsense, but with the Four Day Work Week, it’d only be three more days. I mean if that doesn’t sell the whole scheme right there, I don’t know what the problem is.
Plus, with that extra day maybe Jeremy can get a hobby that brings meaning and value to his life so he’s not such a pain in the ass at work! The possibilities are endless.
Which reminds me, there is a corollary to this which I think is equally compelling: three is more than two. Right now you’ve got Saturday and Sunday and you know you’re going to spend all day Sunday doing laundry or going grocery shopping or cleaning or whatever it is you need to take care of in your life and you won’t really have the day to yourself. Plus, as you know, Saturdays get booked up with events really fast. Friday (or Monday if you’re into that sort of thing) could become your day where you can truly rest and recharge.
Now, I know you might say “Sure four days a week is less than five days a week, but won’t that also mean we’ll all get paid less?” Well to that I would say: shut the hell up. Why would you even bring that up? What is wrong with you? Did Jeremy put you up to this? Are you Jeremy? Jeremy, if you’re reading this I need you to know that there is so much more to life than giving everyone grief at work. What do you love? What is your passion? It’s so clear that there is just some part of your life that is unfulfilled.
Maybe boating. You seem like the kind of guy who would feel at home on a schooner or a sailing yacht. I know you own boat shoes at least. Wait, weren’t you saying the other day how much you love baseball? Join a rec league or do that thing where you try to visit every stadium in the country.
No, hold on I’m thinking of Gary. You were in the conversation though, I’m not confusing you and Gary, so let’s not go down that road. How did we get on the topic of baseball…? Oh microbrews! You said you were really into Microbrews! You should brew your own beer. There’s a lot of good information on how to get started and there’s a great place downtown that specializes in home brewing operations. In fact, a friend of mine said they have starter kits to get you going. Oh you’re going to love it. You get to make the perfect beer exactly how you want it to taste.
Actually, come to think of it, don’t you always just have Michelob Ultra at every Happy Hour? That’s not the beer of someone who enjoys microbrews. Hang on, do you think Michelob Ultra is a microbrew? Do you think microbrews are just beers with less calories? Jesus, Jeremy. Microbrews are beers made by smaller or “micro” breweries. That’s not exactly niche knowledge.
Wait, low calorie beers! Are you into being healthy? Have you considered cross fit? You would love cross fit! Probably. I don’t really know that much about it, but I do know it’s an engrossing hobby that you could really get into and spend a lot of time doing.
No wait, isn’t your wife a personal trainer or something? Oh right, ex-wife. The divorce was really difficult wasn’t it, buddy? Have you considered getting back into the dating scene? Maybe you could date someone who is really needy and has a very messy personal life that you constantly need to deal with. That’s sort of like a hobby, but I’m sure the more intimate moments make it all worthwhile.
Look, whatever it is, Jeremy, you need to go out there and find your smile. Or if that’s not your thing, just get on board with the Four Day Work Week thing. You already make a big fuss about how you work on the weekends to make the rest of us seem lazy by comparison, now you can do that three days a week instead of two. And as I mentioned in my corollary, two days is better than three, right?
Also, Jeremy, your project isn’t getting the results you hoped for because the customer just doesn’t seem to be responding to the ad content. Perhaps we should take another look at the initial demographic data and ideate some new messages in different media that might better resonate with the end user.