Sunday Scaries

I think it’s widely accepted that the existential dread of late Sunday Evening when you realize you have work in the morning is referred to as the “Sunday Scaries”. However, I think that phrase is dumb and was only chosen because it was alliterative (and even then just barely). It doesn’t even come close to accurately capturing the true horrors of realizing tomorrow is Monday. Scary is something that is surprising. Scary is when you almost get into a car accident. Scary is when you close your medicine cabinet and you see there’s a horrifying ghoul standing behind you that wasn’t there before. Scary is when you’re over 40 and someone says “Let’s do shots!”

No, Sunday Evenings are a deep, primal fear mixed with a melancholy of knowing your fate is sealed. Sunday Evenings are knowing that you’ve been caught by the monster and it’s not a matter of if you’ll get eaten, but when. Sunday Evenings are realizing that your lifeboat has a hole in it. Sunday Evenings are seeing a pack of bored teenagers who you know are going to pick apart all of your biggest insecurities.

I think a more accurate term to replace “Sunday Scaries” would be the “Sinking Feeling of a Sunday Evening”. However, I am in marketing by trade, so I understand that even though it has some alliteration and a bit of a loose rhyme to it, it’s too long to ever catch on. We need something pithy that will look good in a hashtag. At first I thought we could pivot a bit from the actual feeling you experience on a Sunday Evening to more the side effects like the “Sunday Sigh” or the “Sunday Shudder” which are good, but I think they can only capture a part of the experience. However, I think I have hit on something that’s pithy, accurately conveys the feelings of the moment, and is also a bit more active.

May I humbly submit for your consideration: the Sunday Surrender.

I mean what are the “Sunday Scaries” really, but the moment when you have no choice, but to surrender your weekend and begin mentally steeling yourself for Monday morning. As much as you’ve basked in that brief glorious time where you get to actually enjoy capitalism, there is a certain point on Sunday when you know you have to return to being crushed under capitalism’s cruel boot heel. It is inescapable. It is inevitable.

Now I know a lot of you out there are “never say die” types. You tried your best to beat back Sunday Evening with bottomless mimosas at brunch or $1 wings during the late game. It didn’t work and you knew it wouldn’t. At some point you had to say to yourself “I need to stop this. I have work in the morning.” That’s why it can’t be the Sunday Scaries. Sunday Scaries sounds like you have a chance to beat it, but you can’t. There’s no winning. There’s only the Sunday Surrender. The white flag is coming out sooner or later. 

Now as bleak and futile as I made Sunday Funday sound, I do think it’s important to keep fighting. Grab a hold of as much Sunday as you possibly can. You earned that weekend. Don’t become the kind of person who really leans into the Sunday Surrender and starts sending Sunday Night Work Emails.

Sunday Night Work Emails are the WORST. You’ve hit your Sunday Surrender and then you see an email from Deborah asking you a question about some nonsense that could wait for tomorrow morning. The problem is Deborah draws a lot of water in your company and she might be expecting an answer right away, so you dig into it and now you’re sending a Sunday Night Work Email. It’s like you’ve been bitten by some very dull zombie.

Of course, Deborah doesn’t get back to you until Monday morning and she says something like “Oh, thanks for responding right away. I wasn’t expecting an answer back until today. I was just trying to get ahead of work.” Deborah, no!

Listen everyone, unless you are your own boss, it is logistically impossible to get ahead of work. If you are working very fast and cranking out work in an attempt to get ahead of it, what you are actually doing is just speeding up work. Work adjusts to your pace. If you decide to sprint to the finish line, you’re still going to be sharing a gold medal with work.

Think of it this way: you work in a factory making doodads and you are required to make 1000 doodads a year. If you finish all 1000 doodads in November, you don’t get to just say “See you next year!” and wander off. No, you’re going to be forced to make more doodads until it’s quitting time on January 31st.

Now this isn’t a two way street. You can very easily fall behind on work. You can slow down work to an extent, but it will definitely leave your ass in the dust if you go too slow. The reason for this is that you don’t work in a vacuum. You work with a group of people and one of them is Deborah. If Deborah tries to get ahead of work on Sunday, what she’s actually doing is speeding up work for you and everyone else. Now, you have to keep up with Deborah’s work speed while she is vainly trying to get ahead of work, so that you don’t end up behind on work and have to start sending Sunday Night Work Emails.

So to recap, everyone start saying Sunday Surrender instead of Sunday Scaries and stop sending emails on Sundays just generally. I think we’ll all be happier in the long run, but only by a little bit because it’s still Sunday Evening and it sucks.